


falling

by ParanoidAndroid (HomesickAlien)



Category: Cardfight!! Vanguard
Genre: M/M, tHeReS oNlY oNe BeD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-03-09
Packaged: 2019-10-27 21:02:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17774174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HomesickAlien/pseuds/ParanoidAndroid
Summary: there's only One Bed





	falling

**Author's Note:**

> [inspiration](https://twitter.com/ha_ru_ko_1/status/1047171285199933441) [from](https://twitter.com/ha_ru_ko_1/status/1097082251328671744) [a friend](https://twitter.com/ha_ru_ko_1/status/1089771786009374720)

_I can’t sleep._

His head is buzzing, a hot warmth burning like a fever beneath the thin layer of skin before his skull. The feeling is entirely disorienting, undesirable, and incessant, and he can’t even reach out his hand to rub his temple clean of the sensation. He can’t move at all, infact; the tight grip of his friend’s arms wrapped around him has a tight lock on his body. It’s mostly a courtesy, some influenced by the dead weight of his body that continues to roll closer and closer over him. Ren doesn’t seem to be able to sit still, even in his dreams, a troublesome trait Kai has been aware of since their younger years and even now, he can’t much say anything in protest.

Ren is too charismatic. Any complaint would be shifted against Kai’s will one way or another. Some things, he thinks, are better off being accepted than fought against. _I only have one bed,_ he’d said it over and over again the first evening they’d spent together. _It’s not that big,_ he’d said, certainly not big enough for three people but even two is asking a bit much. Tetsu is a polite houseguest, for what it’s worth, willing to sleep on a futon laid out on the floor, as much space as their is in Kai’s empty room, but he’s not much in the way of Ren’s care-taker. In fact, Kai thinks, this is as close to a vacation Tetsu will ever have, leaving Ren in the care of Kai, that maybe Kai has a good reason limiting his time spent with childhood friends, when they’re as eccentric as this.

_I’ll have nightmares if I sleep by myself!_

Ren’s protest still ring in his ears, chastising him as he feels his arm starting to go numb under his weight. Kai really can’t tell, even now, if this were simply Ren being Ren or an honest concern of his. They’ve been friends a long time now, even if there’s a gap, the closeness between them isn’t at all an illusion, so he wonders why it is his friends are so difficult to read. Why Ren can never be straightforward, and honest with himself.

Ren’s social skills are beyond him, Kai is only just beginning to comprehend the bare minimum of normalcy when it comes to human interaction beyond Vanguard. Ren only serves to challenge him, he thinks, to make him question everything he’s come to learn about being alive. About being friends.

Even back then…

_“You’re really going to sleep your whole life away?”_

_Ren pokes at Kai’s cheeks, prodding Kai to give him the time of day. Kai doesn’t even pretend to sleep through his nuisances, scrunching up his face at the touch, though he doesn’t do anything more to stop him. Even if he ignores Ren, Ren will eventually have his way; he’s a spoiled child that won’t take_ no _for an answer._

_“Hey, come on, the sun’s still out, so why don’t you come fight with me an’ Tecchan.”_

_Kai doesn’t even respond to being shoved, Ren pushing him back and forth by his shoulders. He does catch himself before being shoved all the way off the park bench, and it’s in that moment he first opens his eyes to meet Ren’s wholesome gaze. His face is a lot closer than Kai expected, the restrains the sudden urge to push Ren away._

_“Kaaaaiiiii,”_

_Ren’s voice carries throughout the whole park, Kai thinks, that he can’t help but answer._

_“What do you want, honestly?” Kai says, though whatever annoyance he has is diluted when he speaks. “I don’t feel like playing today, why don’t you go bother Tetsu instead?”_

_“Because I want to spend time with Kai.”_

_“Why me?”_

_“Because…!”_

_The answer is so simple, so earnest, Kai can’t even give him a look of disbelief because it’s the exact response he was expecting. He wonders if that’s what makes them friends, after all. The time spent together feels bleak, heavy, even, but this is the person he understands the best, and even if he hates it at times, Ren understands exactly how Kai feels at all times. In the end, he is also simple, his love is entirely devoted to just this one simple game. Ren understands that love better than anyone else, we’ll get stronger together, that was their promise. If Ren can’t beat Kai, he’ll hold him close in this manner, playing against others they meet and reaching the top together._

_He wonders where that place is, “the top.” “The strongest.” When he’s with Ren, those words start to lose meaning to him._

_“If you won’t cardfight me,” Ren says, sitting himself on Kai’s stomach. Kai heaves a breath at the sudden weight on him, not quick enough to protest, not strong enough to actually push him off, either. “Then let’s waste our day together, at least!”_

_Kai sighs, raising his hand to reach Ren’s face. It’s surprisingly clear today, just as his smile is earnestly bright. He can live, just in this moment, without a care in the world. An easy-going, simple child, and a boy who thinks too much about everything, as one they balance each other out nicely. Even if things are difficult, he can’t say he feels any fear at all, when he’s with Ren. With Ren, and Tetsu, no matter how serious their fights are, he thinks he’s having fun at their side._

_We’re really becoming like friends, he thinks._

_Ren makes a soft, surprised face, when Kai pulls Ren’s head down onto his chest. He doesn’t have anything to add to their conversations, and nothing much to give outside of a fight, but he wants to share his feelings none-the-less. Kai can’t be direct, he can’t say things that come easy to kids their age, say I’m happy we’re friends, or, I like you, or anything of the sort. Ren’s obtuse in other ways, but they’ve started to understand how to meet each other in the middle._

_Ren pushes Kai’s buttons, frustrates him, and challenges him in ways that are rewarding rather than painful. And Kai serves as a light that guides Ren out of the darkness, gives him a reason to wake up every morning despite his difficult homelife, to waste another afternoon with the one person his heart yearns for the most. I want to be stronger, I want to save you, I want to be at your side; As long as Kai is with him, stays with him…_

_Kai’s hand is soft, running through Ren’s hair that gets longer and more unmanageable everyday. It’s like petting a cat, he thinks, even the way Ren slowly curls up against Kai is much akin to a small animal. Even though he were the one pestering Kai, it doesn’t take any time at all for Ren to start dozing off at the relaxing, repetitive motion. Kai’s the one losing out, he can’t even close his eyes again, the sight before him is as mesmerizing as it is endearing to him. He could engrave it in his heart eternally; cute. Ren is really cute, he thinks, especially cute in his arms like this._

_Even when he’s troublesome, it’s Kai whose mind is corrupted with selfish thoughts of him. He won’t let him see it, though he isn’t really aware of it either, he let’s a smile drift over his face with the sun cast over them. It’s warm, even in their short time together, the weather is as pleasant as their delicate friendship. The air around them, it’s pleasant, he thinks. If he had to spend all his time alone, after losing his only friends and his parents, too… If he wallowed in his angst, alone, it would be suffocating, but the summer air is anything but._

_It’s a totally mindless gesture, leaning to meet Ren’s forehead and rest a kiss upon his skin. It’s the first time in his life he can live without regrets, he thinks. The first time it feels like nothing matters at all, like he’s living with purpose. It might not last into the morning, in fact it might not even make it to the evening, but for just a moment as a child he’s reached that place. The top, the place where there are no doubts or worries. The place where he understands the whole world, in the palm of his hands, at the humble age of thirteen._

_There’s nothing else he needs to know about the world, nothing more than this._

A lukewarm drizzle of saliva slips from Ren’s lips unto Kai’s neck. He groans at the sudden sensation, digging out his arm from under Ren’s hold to push Ren’s face away to the pillow. He sleeps like a child, messily, and he has the same look of immaturity as he does when he’s awake. Even though he’s not particularly disappointed, Kai frowns. This annoying, frustrating, difficult situation he’s been forced into. Having others invade the only space entirely his own, it’s a total pain in the ass that he’s certain isn’t even necessary. But this is how they’ve ended up, it’s three in the morning and he’s never going to get any sleep, he’s decided.

But it isn’t really, really unpleasant.

Kai sits up now that he has the luxury of it, shoving Ren a little bit further to the side as gently as he can not to stir him. He runs his hand a single time through his messy hair, sighing as he looks at his blank walls that serve him no comfort in his thoughts. Having the warmth of another person while he sleeps, the love of others in his home while he cooks, or builds his deck… Certainly, the circumstances aren’t the best, but it’s not a bad sensation, he thinks. _It’ll be fun,_ Ren had said. That’s not at all how Kai would describe it, but neither is unpleasant, neither is a pain, neither is a nuisance.

It’s all of those things, actually but it’s none of them in the same respect. It just is. This is just how things have become.

Kai takes Ren’s hand in his. It’s cold, lifeless, even, when Ren sleeps like a rock and is unbothered by any sensations that Kai shares with him. He holds him tightly, gives up all his heavy feelings in the simplest sentiment of touch; he hasn’t felt this kind of comfort in living with others since the day his parents left him. Even with his relatives, he’s been more-or-less alone all this time. It’s not something that can last forever, and there’s probably a lot more to worry about than this– _Is Fukuhara still overrun with them? What about Miyaji? That idol group, Tokura… Is her friend alright? Is Aichi okay?–_ But the thought that drags at his heart the most is as simple as this.

_I don’t want you to go._

Maybe it would be more accurate to say, _I don’t want this to end,_ or, _I don’t want to be alone, again._ But as per usual, his feelings for Ren are so selfish, so simple, so innocent, even. He’s grateful, even if Ren is troublesome, and ignores any sense of boundaries Kai has, he’s grateful to have a friend like him to keep bringing him out of his comfort zone. He’s grateful, that…

“Kaaiiii…”

Ren’s voice is low, drowns out into a sleepy mumble as soon as it leaves his lips. Kai doesn’t move, but he doesn’t acknowledge him with a glance, a soft ruffle of his hair as he releases Ren’s hand.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“That’s not the issue.” Ren says, sitting up with him, “You should be sleeping, too.”

“It’s difficult with someone like you rolling around so much and drooling on my shoulder.”

“It’s difficult to sleep if you’re sitting up!”

Ren is so good at selective hearing, Kai thinks, drowning out any thoughtful criticism and jumping right in to his own conclusions. Kai isn’t even bothered when Ren takes hold of him again, falling into his chest and bringing Kai back down against the mattress. Selfish… He’s so selfish, just like Kai, they both share each others worst traits in very different ways. Maybe that, alone, is why they get along so well.

“I can’t sleep like this…”

“Be quiet, Kaii.”

Ren glares at him with his own self-righteous disgust, though his eyes are so heavy with tiredness, Ren isn’t the type of person who can chose to stay awake after hours. Still, he holds that look as long as he can to guilt Kai into closing his own eyes with a sigh, doing what he can to pretend to rest even though it’s pointless now to even try.

So it does catch him off guard, when Ren starts running a hand through his hair, sharing the warm gesture Kai’s always offering him to put him at ease. It’s annoying, really, Ren’s full of these extremely simple, but extremely obnoxious gestures, that are so ultimately Ren-like he can’t even complain about them.

_I don’t want you to go._

The thought troubles him even into his dreams, but this simple gesture is enough to ease his tired body to overtake his overworked mind. Kai wraps Ren in his arms as they both start drifting away into their dreams, warm dreams, comforting dreams that they’ll be sure to forget carelessly in the morning. Even if the moment can’t last longer than the night, he’ll hold it as close as he can, like a snapshot of his own life he’ll carry with him all the way to the grave. He’s glad they can have even one more moment like this, one more chance to waste their time as friends, rather than enemies.

Certainly, there’s many things that will burden them in the morning. The PSYqualia zombies, Takuto, deletors and the likes… But right now, all he can let his mind focus on his the sensation of Ren’s touch, of his embrace over Ren…

_It’ll be okay,_ He thinks. _Everything, will be…_

**Author's Note:**

> today is the ibukai episode and i finally found the motivation to finish my month-old idea for kairen Who Am I? (comment...)


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